This is my little girl.
Before this ultrasound I was convinced we were having a boy. Of course I thought of the possibility of it being a girl but I thought my intuition was preparing me for a boy. I told most people what I thought and I had visions of a little mini version of Brodie. I created this fantasy and got attached to it. The vision was so strong that I could even picture it when he was a teenager and an adult. I felt like I knew.
So the day of the "big ultrasound" came and we saw the first images up on the screen. We immediately saw a cute little baby profile and a couple of minutes later the technician typed in the word "girl". I was completely shocked! as can be witnessed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_dS4svYOjE&feature=g-upl
I continued to be in shock but got over it when the technician told us that everything looked good, and we could see her kicking and see her cute profile. For the rest of that evening I was in a daze. I had to shift gears. Brodie said that he had always had a feeling deep down that it would be a girl. We went out to eat and I saw a couple of cute baby girls and could start to picture us with one.
Of course I knew I would be happy either way, but part of me was a little nervous as well. It felt daunting to me to raise a girl. There is so much in the media that is skewed and leads to body image issues. There is much more pressure placed on girls by society these days to look a certain way or act a certain way. I feel like it's even worse now than when I was growing up. Having a boy felt like it would somehow be easier. Having a girl felt like more responsibility for me. I remember what it was like to be an insecure teenage girl and didn't know if I could watch my child go through it.
I've worked through a lot of this over the last eight weeks, and now can't imagine having a boy. I know that my girl will have her own path that I need to respect, but my hope for her is that she learns to be strong and not be defined by her looks. I want to teach her to take really good care of her body and to love it for the amazing things it can do. I don't ever want her to feel like she's somehow not good enough. I also want her to develop her mind and learn to see through all of the crap that is in our society regarding women. I want her to learn to listen to herself and to figure out what she is passionate about and then go for it, no matter what others may tell her. I really dislike the whole princess thing, but I want to be careful about being too strict about it. If she wants to be a princess then I would at least hope that she also develops a strong sense of who she is. Why can't she do both? I think little girls can be all things. The can love pink, do karate, play soccer, love to dress up, and be smart and feisty.
Learning that I will be having a girl has definitely brought up some issues for me about how I felt when I was growing up, and I need to separate that from my child so that I don't end up projecting a bunch of stuff on her. She can be whatever she wants to be. I hope that I can instill in her some good values and a sense of strength and healthy self-esteem, but at the same time I don't want to control her too much. I will love her no matter what she chooses to do in this life. I have worked through a lot of insecurity and body image issues, and for the most part I feel pretty comfortable being me. Overall, I love being a woman and can't wait to share the experience with my little girl.
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