Birth Story

Ayla’s Birth Story

My due date came and went. I knew there wasn’t a big chance she would be born right on the 19th, so I just kept trying to be patient even though I was starting to get anxious to meet her. I was done with school and work and I spent the last week and a half before she was born watching movies and eating good food and enjoying some me time. I was starting to wonder when she would make an appearance, and with every little Braxton Hicks contraction or twinge I wondered if this could be it. Then finally on Friday, March 23rd at around 4:45 a.m. I woke up feeling nauseated and strange. Then I felt something go all the way around my back, and then I felt it again a few minutes later. I was pretty sure this was it. I started getting really excited even though I was in a little bit of denial and didn’t want to get my hopes up. I let Brodie sleep for about another hour and then I woke him up and told him it was time. He wasn’t able to go back to sleep and he joined me upstairs in the living room. The contractions were coming every five to six minutes and lasting about thirty to forty-five seconds each.

I was so excited and full of anticipation of what the birth would be like and how long it would take. We had taken a Hypnobirthing class and I had read a lot about natural childbirth. I felt ready and up for the challenge. I called our midwife, Adrienne, just to give her a heads up and to make sure I knew when I should come in to the birth center. She told me to come in when the contractions were about three minutes apart and lasting for a minute. I knew I still had a little while, so I kept laboring at home. I listened to my Hypnobirthing CD a few times and did some deep breathing exercises and had Brodie do some light touch massage on my back. As the contractions started getting more intense I used some visualization techniques that really helped me get through each one. We started timing the contractions using an app on Brodie’s IPhone and I started getting nervous because they were pretty irregular and not lasting for very long. I started getting impatient but kept doing my breathing and visualization.
I kept it up at home and did pretty well until about 2:00 p.m. I sent Brodie out to get a smoothie for me, and by that point I couldn’t handle being upstairs in the living room watching T.V. anymore. I needed to go to our dark and cool room in the basement. The contractions started getting more intense and I felt them all in my back. I got to the point where I needed to be on hands and knees during each one and I started having feelings of “I can’t do this”. I started needing to make these low primal moaning sounds during each contraction. When Brodie got home I had him press on my back and I was doing okay, but I was really starting to doubt myself. It was nine hours in and I was getting frustrated. I started to panic a little bit and I told him I thought I needed to go to the hospital and get an epidural. I still really wanted to try to do it naturally, but I was having a really hard time. I begged him to call Adrienne and ask her what I should do. She told him to bring me into the birth center in half an hour and she would check me out. She said that she would probably end up sending me home but that I should come in anyway. I managed to take a warm shower and we got ready to go.

We got there by about 3:30 p.m. and I had a few contractions while I was there that were hard for me to get through. She checked my cervix and I was only one and a half centimeters dilated! She talked me through my contractions and also said that they had something for the pain if I needed it. She thought it might help me relax and go home and sleep. I accepted the offer and she gave me a shot in the hip of a muscle relaxer and morphine. I also asked her what would happen if I really needed to transfer to the hospital. She said that if that’s what I needed then it would be okay. She said if I was serious then they would listen to me and make that happen. She also said she thought I could do it without going to the hospital. We left around 5 and headed home. I called my mom and told her I was struggling and thought I needed to go to the hospital. She told me to listen to my body and do what I needed to do, even if that meant getting an epidural.

For the next couple of hours I got into a groove. The medication really didn’t do much for the pain. I did feel slightly more relaxed, but not much. The contractions were about three and a half minutes apart and lasting for about a minute, and I got on hands and knees, moved my hips, moaned, and had Brodie press on my back. During the contractions I did okay but then I started panicking in between. I started begging to go to the hospital again. We had already paid for the birth center and would have to pay thousands of dollars more if I went. The money was a legitimate concern of Brodie’s, and he also knew how much I wanted to do it naturally, so he kept doing what he had been trained to do, which was to tell me I was doing great and remind me that I could do it. He was so supportive and he did everything right but I still knew what my body needed, and that was to go to the hospital. I started really freaking out at that point. I started yelling at him to please call Adrienne and tell her what my plan was. I told him he didn’t understand, and that I needed to talk to someone who could support my decision. He was just doing what he thought he should do, but at that point I felt so scared and alone.
He kept telling me we would call her after the next contraction. I finally grabbed his phone and called her myself. I told her that I really thought I would do better at the hospital, and she said that I should come back in and she would check me again. She said sometimes when women have progressed a little it gives them the strength to continue.

We arrived at the birth center about 8:00 p.m. (15 hours in). I continued being on hands and knees and moving the way that felt good to me. She checked my cervix again and I was only at a three! I was so discouraged and it made me want to go to the hospital even more. Eventually I got into the warm tub, and it felt so amazing. It was calming and helped with the pain, but because I was, at that point, 17 hours into back labor I was really panicking in between each contraction and I told the birth assistant, Renee, that I needed to go to the hospital and I was serious. She said okay and that she would let Adrienne know. Part of me felt so guilty that I couldn’t do it the way I had planned, but I also had a feeling it’s what my body needed to be able to relax and open. Adrienne and Renee really helped me feel like I was making the right decision for my body, and I did not feel judged by them at all, even though they are for natural birth. They were so great. I think when Brodie saw them being supportive of my decision it helped him relax about it as well.

I felt such a sense of relief and that there was an end in sight. I also knew that it would take a little while for us to get there and get the epidural, and I probably would have to get through about 10 more contractions. At the time that seemed impossible. It took a little while for Adrienne to call the hospital and send them my information, and then we got ready to go at about 11:30. The ride over there seemed like it took 2 hours. I made it through the contractions as best as I could, but I was really struggling. When we arrived and got out of the car another one hit and I went down on the cement parking lot to hands and knees and moaned loudly. It must have been entertaining for the people walking by, but I didn’t care at that point. They wheeled me into the hospital and I was able to go straight to the room. I knew my relief was coming soon, and Adrienne helped me stay focused and get through the rest of the contractions. Soon after we got into the room I vomited. It was awful, but Adrienne reminded me that it was all part of it, that it was normal. The anesthesiologist came in soon after that and all my fears about getting an epidural went right out the window. Even if he would have had to jab me in the spine at that point I would have taken it. It wasn’t that bad and I really couldn’t even feel it going in. It took about 15 minutes or so to kick in, but when it did I felt like a completely different person. I was chatting and making jokes and I’ve never felt more relieved. I knew I had made the right decision. At that point it was past midnight and officially Brodie’s birthday! It was fun to know that he and our little girl would share the same birthday.

Adrienne stayed for a little while after that and we talked more about my decision. The nurse asked me what I wanted for the birth, and I told her we wanted skin to skin contact, delayed umbilical cord cutting, we wanted to keep the placenta, and we wanted to keep the baby in the room with us. The hospital we chose is very baby friendly and there is a midwife group there that I chose to work with. I was happy that I could keep some things in my plan. Adrienne left soon after that, and I continued to feel amazing and relaxed and excited about meeting my baby. The midwife on call, Peggy, came in and let me know that she thought I needed some Pitocin to move things along. I was fine with it at that point. She gave me small doses throughout the night and my contractions continued to be irregular for a little while, and then started to get closer together. I wasn’t able to sleep much, and at 7 a.m. Peggy came in and asked if she could check my cervix. I was nervous. I did not want to hear that I was only at a 4 or 5. She checked me and reported I was at a 10! The epidural they gave me was great because I could still feel my legs, and they told me I would still be able to feel myself push. I really wanted to have that experience. Because the baby was so low and I was fully dilated I really started feeling the contractions again, but this time I handled them a lot better. I did my breathing and visualization, and soon it would be time to push.

They had had a shift change, and the new midwife Celeste came in. I started feeling a lot of pressure and I started to really focus. Renee from the birth center came to be our doula, and she was so great and so supportive. She took some amazing photos and really helped me focus. Brodie was amazing as well. He held my hand, rubbed my back, and was gentle and encouraging. The midwife told me I could push in whatever position I wanted to. I started off with the bed elevated and with a pushing bar. Then I was feeling it so much in my back that I went on hands and knees. I was really focusing, but I was also not really relaxing in between and they kept reminding me to breathe. I was getting really aggressive and determined to get her out. The thought briefly crossed my mind that it would be nice to have a C-section and just get it over with, but I pushed that thought out of my mind and continued to focus. The pain was so much different than the earlier contraction pain. Besides the sensations I was feeling in my back I wouldn’t even really call it pain. It was hard work, but I felt like I was accomplishing something and that I was in charge instead of feeling like a victim like I had with my earlier contractions. It felt really good. Celeste let me know that there was some meconium, so she called in the pediatrics team to be ready to help the baby out. They all came in but I didn’t even really notice. After a few minutes she told them it would still be awhile and that they could wait outside. I said “Oh my God are you serious!?!?” and everyone laughed. She told me that I was getting close but that they still had a while for what they needed to do. I wanted her to come out so badly. While pushing on my side her heart rate started to drop and they gave me some oxygen and reminded me that I needed to breathe. I did and they baby responded really well to it. She kept moving further and further down. I reached down and felt her head. It only took a couple more pushes and I could feel her head moving out, then her shoulders, and finally with one big push I felt her whole body come out and it was the biggest sense of relief. I will never forget the feeling. They put her on my chest immediately and she was so warm and slippery and beautiful. I felt overwhelmed and in shock and really emotional. It seemed surreal, and at first I didn’t make the connection that this was actually MY baby, that she had just come out of me. It took a little while to feel connected because it was just so intense. She started crying and I started crying and I looked at Brodie and he was crying.

Someone from the Pediatrics team checked her out and had to take her a few minutes later. They kept her in the same room and suctioned out the meconium and worked on her lungs. I started shaking uncontrollably, and I started feeling intense pain. The midwife told me I had torn and I was also bleeding a lot. They stuck a shot of Pitocin in my hip and I told her how much pain I was in. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me more epidural medicine, and also some lydocane. They also gave me some Fentynyl in my I.V. so I was pretty drugged up at that point. I couldn’t feel my legs for the next three hours. The midwife pressed on my uterus and I almost hit her. That was worse pain than childbirth. She started stitching me up and said it was about a one degree tear and not too bad. I was still shaking really badly. They took the baby out of the room to get checked out and let Brodie go with her. I was on a high and soon Celeste was done with the stitches and they brought Ayla back to me. She was ready to eat, and latched on immediately! It was so amazing. It was incredible to me that this was the little creature who had been growing inside of me, whose kicks and rolls and jabs I had come to know and love over the last few months. This moment of meeting her was even better than I could have imagined.

For the most part I do not regret my decision to go to the hospital. I listened to my body and that’s what it needed to be able to relax and bring my baby to me. I will never ever judge someone else for wanting to get an epidural. I know that it’s possible to give birth naturally, and that some people don’t even feel much pain during childbirth, but that just wasn’t in the cards for me this time. This labor was so extremely different from the one I had pictured, but isn’t that the way life always is? The end result, a healthy and beautiful baby girl, was what really mattered. I tried really hard. I gave it a good 19 hours before I had the epidural and I feel proud of that. I’m also proud of the fact that I felt myself push my baby out and that I had to work hard for that. I look forward to sharing this story with Ayla someday and I hope she will learn to always listen to herself and do what’s right for her, even if it means changing a plan or going against what you thought you wanted.

38 weeks

I cannot believe I'm already this far! It really has gone by so fast. I'm feeling relatively okay despite the fact that I have a fully developed baby human inside me who I swear is grasping all of my ligaments in her little hands and pulling on them just for fun. I am also to that stage where I convince myself on almost a daily basis that "today is the day". I feel pretty calm about the whole thing, but I keep thinking that the braxton hicks will turn into the real thing, and I go over a mental checklist in my head of what I would need to do if it were really baby time. I am also prepared to wait in case she is overdue.

We had a name picked out around week 14 and said that we would stay open in case we found another one we loved. We didn't really think about it much until a couple of weeks ago when I think it really hit me that this is really going to happen, and I wanted to re-evaluate the name situation. I knew the decisiveness and ease with which we chose the name was too good to be true. I am the kind of person who takes forever to choose something off a menu at a restaurant, so why did I expect that naming my child would be any different?? The original name is still on our list, but something about it just doesn't feel right. There are a few others we are considering, and I think we will just wait until she's born to decide. I think I've been over-analyzing the names way too much and we need to just go with what feels right.

Today is my last day of school, and this week will be my last for work for awhile. Looking back over the pregnancy we both realized how busy we were and how little time we got to spend together, and it will be nice to be able to hang out again and relax. I'm glad I decided to go to school, but it was a bit overwhelming at times. Thinking about going back to school a couple of months after the baby is born is a little stressful as well, but I will just think about it as it gets closer. I'm really glad that the school was flexible with my schedule and that I get a nice postpartum break.

At this point I know that she could come at any time. I feel as ready as I can be, and I want to try and relax and enjoy the time I have to myself before she gets here. Everything is set up in the house for her. I had my baby shower a couple of weeks ago and received a ton of cute things. I've washed and put away all of her clothes and her room is all set up!

As far as the birth goes....I feel like I will probably use the Hypnobirthing techniques as I need them, use some Bradley techniques I learned from a book, and take Ina May's wonderful advice from her book. I feel pretty well prepared, and I also know that I will probably end up intuitively winging a lot of it. I don't expect it to be painless, but I am going to try and stay as relaxed and tuned into my body as I can be and hopefully that will help manage the pain. I say....bring it on! I know I can do it.

33 weeks

I really would've loved to post an update with a photo every week. I'm planning on making a pregnancy book to show my baby when she gets older, and I really wish I would've been more consistent with taking pictures. Oh well. I do feel like I have captured each stage and size of my belly pretty well.

So far my pregnancy has not been miserably uncomfortable, even with the pelvic pain I've had. I have not been suffering and exhausted and tired of being pregnant. I have really been enjoying it, but today I crossed a threshold into being uncomfortably pregnant. My whole belly feels tight, and the baby's movements are slightly painful. It's hard to get up off the couch, and I'm pretty sure I developed sciatica overnight! Now I know what all those women are talking about when they say that pregnancy is really uncomfortable. I expected it would be that way at some point, though, so I think I can hang in there for six and a half more weeks.

This week the baby is the size of a honeydew. She will soon start gaining about a half a pound a week. Her bones are hardening, and her brain and lungs continue to develop. She is still active, but since she has less room in there the movements have decreased slightly and are different than they were. Lots of wiggling as opposed to big powerful kicks. I can feel where her little foot is, and we play a game where I push on her just a little and she kicks or moves back.

I get more and more excited for the birth every day, although I am slightly nervous that I will be able to fully relax and stay focused in the middle of all that intensity. We finished our Hypnobirthing class and are practicing the relaxation CDs at home. I think Hypnobirthing is a great technique to use during labor, but I am also taking it with a grain of salt. I think it's okay if I'm not silent and zoned out and completely peaceful during the whole experience like a lot of the moms we saw in the videos. Deep down, I believe that I can do it, and I have a great and supportive partner to help me through it. I also know it will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm really glad that we will be able to be alone and have some bonding time with each other and our new little baby. I'm grateful that our families understand and are supportive of us wanting some space on the day she is born. I'm also very excited for them to meet her and to be involved when the time is right.

I can't believe how fast this whole pregnancy has gone, and it blows my mind that we will be meeting our little girl in a matter of weeks!

29 weeks-Happy New Year!

I'm in the third trimester!

It has gone by so fast, and I know the next eleven weeks (approximately) will go by really fast as well. I want to try and stay as grounded, present, and calm as I can as we prepare to meet our baby.

This week the baby is the size of a squash. She could be anywhere from 15.2 to 16.7 inches long and weigh between 2 1/2 to 3 pounds! She is mostly fully developed now, and will spend the third trimester putting on fat and developing her lungs.

We start Hypnobirthing this week and we are both really excited! I think it will help me deal with some of the anxiety during the rest of the pregnancy in addition to helping me get through a natural birth. We went to an orientation for the class last Friday, and the teacher showed some videos of women in labor who had used Hypnobirthing. They were so calm and focused, and later said that they had felt a lot of pressure but not much pain.

We went to New Mexico for Christmas with Brodie's family and had a great time. It actually snowed more there than it did here which was weird and not typical for the area. It was beautiful and fun to have a white Christmas. On the last morning we were there the baby was extremely active and everyone got to put their hand on my belly and feel her hiccuping and kicking!

This year we finally had the first New Year's kiss of our relationship! For some reason we have fallen asleep well before midnight on the past two New Year's Eve's, but this year we were able to stay up. What is it about marriage that makes you really tired and want to wear pajamas all the time? We went out to eat at Fiddler's Elbow earlier in the evening and then came home to continue our latest Netflix obsession-Breaking Bad. When we get into a TV series we go all the way.

I have gained sixteen pounds so far, and I'm feeling pretty good except for the pelvic pain. It is definitely getting worse and it's hard for me to walk or do much of anything. I'm going to try water aerobics for preggos tonight and see if it feels okay, and I'm also going to Physical Therapy on Friday. I don't think they can make it go away completely, but maybe it can get a little better. Despite the pain, I actually really love being pregnant and feeling all of the movement and appreciating my body for the amazing work it's doing. I want to savor these last few weeks (and appreciate the fact that she is easier to take care of now than she will be on the outside!). I am so excited to meet her, but I also want to remember to live in the moment, and enjoy this time with my husband before we turn into a little family.

The Help, Pomegranate Cookies, and a Beautiful Baby Room

I sort of feel like I'm on moderate bedrest. Because of my pain I can't do much right now. I tried walking again on Natalie's treadmill on Wednesday. I went VERY slowly and didn't feel much pain during the workout, but felt worse afterward, so I'm wondering if walking is even too much for me. It bums me out. I'm nervous that my body won't be strong enough to really get through natural childbirth. Starting the Hypnobirthing class in a few weeks will probably help me let go of a lot of this anxiety.

The pain combined with having a few days off work has contributed to me parking my pregnant ass on our recliner couch. It's nice in a way but I know it's going to get old. I rented The Help from Redbox, which I've been waiting to see. I loved it. I loved the book as well and think they did a great job with the movie. I highly recommend it!

I plan on resting more today, getting a massage and then making these cookies for Stephanie's birthday party tonight:

recipe can be found here:

http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/pomegranate-white-chocolate-chunk-cookies/

I made these last year and everyone went crazy for them. Natalie specifically requested these again for the party tonight. I will try to save most of them for the party...but I'm not making any promises. Couch-ridden, bored, and hungry pregnant ladies can't always be trusted around such deliciousness.

On another note, we FINALLY finished the baby room walls. I've been wanting to do this for weeks and I'm really happy with how they turned out. Brodie did the majority of the work. I came up with the idea, and the artist of the family made it happen. I think it's adorable and whimsical and perfect for our little girl.

Here is the project in the beginning stages:

Creating trees from tape:

Paint:

And the finished wall!

Here is the fabric I am planning on using for the blanket and other things:

We still have a lot to do to finish the room. My goal is to have it done by my baby shower in mid-February so that we can have a few weeks to chill before our baby gets here. I can't wait to see her in the room!

A Healthy Pregnancy=Balance, Mindfulness, and Letting Go of Trying to Be Perfect

I shortened my "birth plan" entry and took out the stuff about my road to healthy eating and wellness. I wanted to shorten that post and have it just focus on the birth plan, and then write a separate entry all about having a healthy pregnancy because I realized there was more I wanted to say. SO I took it out of that post and added it below, as well as some other stuff.

I started getting into natural and alternative health shortly after high school. I started paying attention to what I was eating and learning more about nutrition and how it can affect us in a negative or positive way. I have always been very physically sensitive, with stomach problems, low energy, and getting sick a lot. Back in Jr. High I was the candy and junk food queen! That time in my life was so traumatic that I honestly think I ate junk as a drug, as a way of getting through all of my anxiety. I have struggled off and on with overeating as a way to comfort myself, but for the most part my diet is very balanced now. I noticed a big difference in my moods and energy level when I started cleaning up my diet and being more mindful of my choices. I firmly believe in indgulging every once in a while though. It's all about balance. I have gone to both extremes. From eating the most terrible stuff out there to obsessively eating only the best and being very restrictive and rigid. Neither extreme is healthy. The mental stress that comes from trying to be perfect all the time is exhausting. Interestingly, during this pregnancy I have eaten more fast food and candy and other things I wouldn't normally eat. I have only eaten these things a few times, but it has been collectively more than I have eaten in years. I have felt so guilty! But at the same time I feel like it is balancing me out a little. I am trying to do the best I can with my diet, and I'm trying to choose things that are good for the development of my baby, but I have also decided that if I eat the ocassional "bad" food item my baby isn't going to grow horns. I do feel that food is fuel, and I'm trying to fuel my body with things like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, yogurt, lean meat, nuts, and beans. I just can't stay in such an extreme place of trying to be perfect. It has been good for me to relax a little bit. Sometimes mommy needs to eat a candy bar! Sorry baby.

I do feel that these indulgences should be occasional, because if it gets too out of control you aren't going to feel healthy and strong enough to get through pregnancy and labor, and then transition into the exciting but sometimes stressful phase of new motherhood. If you aren't taking care of yourself you aren't going to be able to function the way you need to. In our society we tend to think that pregnancy is an excuse to eat whatever you want, but shouldn't you care more about what you are putting into your body during pregnancy? You are growing a little person, and they deserve to be fed well and nourished. So do you. I am not saying any of this to be judgmental, because I know how hard it is to keep eating under control during pregnancy. In the last couple of weeks I have had so many more cravings, and have had to stop myself on a daily basis from pigging out on a whole pint of ice cream. I'm just trying to keep it all in check, and not because I don't want to gain too much weight. I will gain as much as my baby needs me to gain, but I would like the weight to come from high quality foods.

Aside from diet, I have also found exercise to be extremely helpful with my anxiety and energy level. I have tried different things throughout the years, and have settled on yoga and walking as my current favorites. I do like the occasional weightlifting and toning regimen, and I plan on doing some water aerobics in the third trimester. I would also like to train for another half marathon after I have the baby and recover. Being mindful of diet and exercise, for me, is not about an obsession with being a certain weight. It is about taking care of my body so that it can do what it needs to do and function at its highest level.

(This stuff was written before I realized I was having pubis symphasis issues, so now my exercise routine is very slooooow walking a few times a week. I can't do all of the intense squats and lunges I was doing from my yoga DVD, but for now it is fine. I have been resting and trying to relax and let it all go)

I have learned that there is no need to be obsessive. That only leads to stress and over-eating and guilt, and then the cycle repeats itself. As long as about 80-90% of the foods you are choosing are healthy, then the occasional indulgence isn't going to hurt anyone. Same thing with exercise. If you can find a type of exercise that is enjoyable to you, and then you do that a few times a week, you're good. I believe that these things can help you deal with the stress and physical discomfort of pregnancy, and help get you ready for labor and delivery. Keeping it simple and balanced leads to the best results and the least amount of mental anguish and stress.

Getting Over the Shock and Preparing For My Girl

This is my little girl.

Before this ultrasound I was convinced we were having a boy. Of course I thought of the possibility of it being a girl but I thought my intuition was preparing me for a boy. I told most people what I thought and I had visions of a little mini version of Brodie. I created this fantasy and got attached to it. The vision was so strong that I could even picture it when he was a teenager and an adult. I felt like I knew.

So the day of the "big ultrasound" came and we saw the first images up on the screen. We immediately saw a cute little baby profile and a couple of minutes later the technician typed in the word "girl". I was completely shocked! as can be witnessed here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_dS4svYOjE&feature=g-upl

I continued to be in shock but got over it when the technician told us that everything looked good, and we could see her kicking and see her cute profile. For the rest of that evening I was in a daze. I had to shift gears. Brodie said that he had always had a feeling deep down that it would be a girl. We went out to eat and I saw a couple of cute baby girls and could start to picture us with one.

Of course I knew I would be happy either way, but part of me was a little nervous as well. It felt daunting to me to raise a girl. There is so much in the media that is skewed and leads to body image issues. There is much more pressure placed on girls by society these days to look a certain way or act a certain way. I feel like it's even worse now than when I was growing up. Having a boy felt like it would somehow be easier. Having a girl felt like more responsibility for me. I remember what it was like to be an insecure teenage girl and didn't know if I could watch my child go through it.

I've worked through a lot of this over the last eight weeks, and now can't imagine having a boy. I know that my girl will have her own path that I need to respect, but my hope for her is that she learns to be strong and not be defined by her looks. I want to teach her to take really good care of her body and to love it for the amazing things it can do. I don't ever want her to feel like she's somehow not good enough. I also want her to develop her mind and learn to see through all of the crap that is in our society regarding women. I want her to learn to listen to herself and to figure out what she is passionate about and then go for it, no matter what others may tell her. I really dislike the whole princess thing, but I want to be careful about being too strict about it. If she wants to be a princess then I would at least hope that she also develops a strong sense of who she is. Why can't she do both? I think little girls can be all things. The can love pink, do karate, play soccer, love to dress up, and be smart and feisty.

Learning that I will be having a girl has definitely brought up some issues for me about how I felt when I was growing up, and I need to separate that from my child so that I don't end up projecting a bunch of stuff on her. She can be whatever she wants to be. I hope that I can instill in her some good values and a sense of strength and healthy self-esteem, but at the same time I don't want to control her too much. I will love her no matter what she chooses to do in this life. I have worked through a lot of insecurity and body image issues, and for the most part I feel pretty comfortable being me. Overall, I love being a woman and can't wait to share the experience with my little girl.